No-Name Roommate.

I didn't cry today. Because I just wouldn't have been able to take the questions.

Do you know what it feels like to hold in a cry you so desperately need because the fear of someone asking you what is wrong is just so unbearable? Because the truth is that you don't know what is wrong and so just saying "nothing" will just make it more of a challenge for them and they will not cease until they know the answer?

I am so blessed that my roommate will just drop it and leave it a lone but being a girl I kind of think that maybe it just means she doesn't care for me? Females think that way even though it is ridiculous and dumb. Okay that was the small fact for the day.

[I noticed that I usually only write when I'm upset about something...so if any of this seems like I hate the world just know I don't...]

My parents don't have many friends at all except each other and I really don't want that. I want friends, and I want life long friends....So how come nobody remembers my name? I'm starting to feel like Pete from the Disney movie Hatching Pete. That is where nobody from his school even knows he exist because he doesn't do anything to get "Noticed" and therefore he becomes a mascot for a day and people start noticing him. Because he did crazy and funny things. I didn't ever think that could happen in real life. But it's happening to me...and it's breaking my heart. People that I have met at least 4 times still come up to me and say "Hey I don't think we've met."

I don't know how to handle this. I don't know what to say. I don't even know what to think. All I do is suppress the feelings I have until they are gone....and then this day comes up...when someone you think you are friends with doesn't consider you a friend at all. When people call you so an so's roommate just because it's a better adjective than my name...It all comes loose all the feelings and everything. This is the part where I want to change myself. This isn't suppose to be like this...I'm not suppose to want to change who I am because people can't remember my name. But I keep thinking....It's my fault cause I never have a really interesting conversation with them. I think to myself "I'm a no one."

I cried today...or at least I wanted to.